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The Most Ut in 2006 -- Part VDecember 31, 2006... It's New Year's Eve! Have a ball! Here are four more favourites "from 2006."
Permadink | |We Interrupt This EgocastDecember 29, 2006... We interrupt this egocast with a late-breaking bulletin... It is expected that convicted mass murderer, Saddam Hussein, will be hanged in the next few hours. Lawyers for Hussein, former despot of the now-flourishing democracy of Iraq, are considering whether to issue a last-minute plea for clemency. "It would be cruel and unusual to hang someone who looks so much like the beloved comic strip character Hobbes, from Calvin and Hobbes," one is reported to have said.
Permadink | |The Most Ut in 2006 - Part IVDecember 29, 2006... The Eve of judgement is upon us. Soon, the worth of each and every one of us will be determined... There are gonna be a lot of refugees... What better way to prepare for the heaviest night of the year than with a bit of levity? To that end, here are a few things that made me laugh in 2006: #4. Truck Nutz, "The Ultimate Truck Accessory." Hmm... They have 'em for bikes, too. Believe you me, I'll be mounting a pair of these fuckers on my ten-speed any day now.
#3. Robin & Crystal Bernard – The Monkey Song. Thanks to WFMU for this one. #2. The whole Mentos and Diet Coke thing. (If you don't know what I'm talking about, go to You Tube and have a look around.) A lot of very "adventurous" people have put their own twists on the experiment. These are some of my favourites: The OriginalThe Rocket The Einstein (For the full impact, be sure to watch this one to the very end.) #1. The fact that someone somewhere typed "Does Ritchie Blackmore wear a wig?" into a search engine and was referred to Afterbirth of the Cool! P.S. If you haven't gone to Post-Punk Junk yet and downloaded the entire Teddy and the Frat Girls EP, do not delay. It will make your day for several days. Permadink | |The Most Ut in 2006 - Part IIIDecember 26, 2006... As you've prolly already heard, James Brown, "The Godfather of Soul," died earlier this week. Like most of the maladjusted dweebs in the mp3 blogosphere, my introduction to "Soul Brother Number One" was indirect. In my case, it was through the Contortions. Oh, how I loved the Contortions when I was young! The scratchy, minimalistic guitar! The squealing, atonal sax! The declamations! The Contortions - Designed to KillImagine my surprise when, many years later, a classmate at grad school put on a James Brown record and I heard those carrion sounds again... As is clear from their 1980 take on the James Brown hit, "Say It Loud, I'm Black and I'm Proud," L.A. (p)fun(k)sters Black Randy and the Metrosquad were also in thrall to "The Hardest-Working Man in Show Business." Black Randy and the Metro Squad - Say It Loud, I'm Black and I'm ProudIn case you ain't noticed, Black Randy quickly dismisses early punk paragons Johnny Rotten, Dee Dee Ramone, Patti Smith and Joe Strummer in "Say it Loud," but sets aside an entire verse with which to spray venom on James Chance, leader of the Contortions:
In truth, I prefer the Contortions and James Brown to Black Randy and the Metrosquad. But in 2006, after years of only reading about Black Randy and the Metrosquad, I finally got to hear them, so I listened to them a lot. Thank you to The Last Days of Man on Earth for making their legendary album, Pass the Dust, I Think I'm Bowie, available. Black Randy and the Metro Squad - Marlon BrandoPermadink | |The Most Ut in 2006 - Part IIDecember 18, 2006... 2006 was the first year in a long time where I didn't spend any time with my special friend, Mary. I'd kinda suspected for a while that she'd been having a negative influence on my life, making it "comfortable" for me be reclusive, so I wanted to see how I would do without her. In truth, the results of this little experiment have been mixed. Even though I have been less reclusive over the past year than in the previous year, I don't think it can be attributed solely to cutting Mary out of my life. For one thing, I have actually been employed full-time and able to support myself financially for most of the past year, things I couldn't say about the previous year. This has had an impact my sociability. Still, there sure have been a lot of blah days in the past year. And if there's one thing you can say about Mary, it's that she can take a nothing day and suddenly make it all seem worthwhile. I'm sure her absence is one reason why I wasn't bowled over by 2006 music in 2006...
#91. Blue Cheer - Come and Get It (1968). When I picked up a used $7.95 copy of Blue Cheer's Outside Inside a few months ago, I wasn't very optimistic about it. I was wrong. Before the Stooges, Black Sabbath, Mudhoney and the bands that sound like the Stooges, Black Sabbath and Mudhoney today, there was Blue Cheer. And it was good. In case you're wondering, though, dude is not singing "Rubbin' my horn and it's ecstacy," in the choruses ... although it would be kinda cool if he were. Blue Cheer - Come and Get It#13. Laughing Hyenas - Just Can't Win (1994). When I learned via the blogs of the death of Laughing Hyenas guitarist, Larissa Strickland, I downloaded a few songs to reaquaint myself with the band. Though I enjoyed their first EP when it came out in 1987, its repetitive, cliche-ridden lyrics about hearts "black as coal" relegated them to the same shitlist as Rollins Band, and for same reasons... Anyway, I duly listened to my new downloads, thought they sounded "pretty good, I guess," and promptly forgot about them. Then, a few days later, while my media player was on shuffle, this song tore through the speakers. I went straight to The Predator, bought a scuffed $4.95 copy of the album and played it several times a day for a week. Laughing Hyenas - Just Can't Win#65. Mclusky - Rice is Nice (2000). Waiting in front of the Bloor Cinema, with time to kill before the movie, I decided to step into The Predator briefly. I will only look for one thing, I vowed to myself, and I will only buy that one thing if it's used. What are the odds that a used, single-disc version of Mcluskyism will be kicking around inside the belly of the beast? At $10.95, it was about a dollar per minute, and worth every minute. Mclusky - Rice is Nice#1. Hold Steady - Stuck Between Stations (2006). Everyone loves this record! Hold Steady - Stuck Between StationsWhat? Was that a piano? Wow, I thought they outlawed dem tings. Wait a minute, did I post a Bruce Springsteen song instead of a Hold Steady song? Damn! Understandable, though... Seriously, kids, if you want poetry, listen to the Weakerthans. If you want rock hard hard rock guitars, listen to AC/DC. If you want to listen to a maudlin drunk slobbering incomprehensibly about something, buy me a drink. But if you're feeling nostalgic for Journey, well, The Hold Steady's new album might do. Hang tough: parts III and IV yet to come... Permadink | |The Most Ut in 2006 - Part IDecember 15, 2006... 2006 has been a exhausting year. After starting a new job in a new city and living out of a suitcase for a couple months, I retrieved my belongings from the storage locker they'd been moldering away in for three years and moved into my own place. Since then, between the demands of the job, the challenge of so-so health, and the slow, slow process of unpacking, restocking and building anew, I haven't had a lot of energy left to devote to seeking out and listening to new music. In a way, though, it's been a relief. People engaged in keeping up with what's new end up with music collections full of flavour-of-the-month stuff with a very limited shelf life. (Anyone want my copy of the Strokes' Is This It?? No? Me neither!) Catching up on old music is much easier. When some venereal, old blogger posts oldies, it's because that shit has stood the test of time. It's still relevant, five, ten, or sixty years after the fact. If it wasn't, ain't nobody'd be listening to it and writing about it no more. That's why my "Best of 2006" posts will actually be "Best in 2006" posts. This is the stuff I listened to most in 2006, though very little of it was actually released in 2006... #28. Young Tiger - Calypso Be (1953). A 1950s Calypsonian confused by the modern music of Dizzy Gillespie and Charlie Parker, with all its "ooh-baba-dah / bee-obba-doo-lah / bee-blee..." Thanks to Moistworks for turning me on to this song and to many other great songs this year, including "Children of the Revolution" by T. Rex, now one of my favourite songs to sing in the shower, and "Hitch Hike" by Marvin Gaye, introduced in the most informative wordless blog post ever. (Sorry, can't find the link.) Young Tiger - Calypso Be#39. Slim Gaillard - Laughin' in Rhythm (1938). An artist about whom I'd read for years, but whom, thanks to Badminton Stamps and others, I finally heard this year. Slim is the spirit Afterbirth is channelling in its current Mission Statement: "Daz mcskivven vouts-oroonie con lo pandolo ova day." Slim Gaillard - Laughin' in Rhythm#21. Teddy and the Frat Boys - Alophen Baby (1981). Another kind of scat singing altogether. Thanks for this shit, Post-Punk Junk! Teddy and the Frat Girls - Alophen BabyStay tuned for more of The Most Ut in 2006... Permadink | |The Politics of PizzaDecember 3, 2006... I've come a long way from the days when hot dogs were my idea of haute cuisine. Nowadays, I eat and enjoy almost all the world's cuisines. Mexican, Afghani, Thai, you name it. I figure wat doesn't kill me, makes me stronger, even if it involves injera. Yea, though I have sampled widely from the buffet of the world, I still consider pizza to be the very pinnacle of yum. If there is a better thing to put in one's mouth than a freshly-baked piece of bread with tomato sauce, roasted whole cloves of garlic, spinach, feta and rubbery mozzarella, well, I ain't had it in mine. I eat a slice or a calzone at least once every week. And I'm lucky to live in a city where there are many joints that know how to bake a motherfucking pizza pie. Lucky, 'cause otherwise I'd be running out of options.
You see, with the passage of time, the number of pizzerias that I'm actually willing to patronize in the T-Dot is going down. It all started with the big boys. Not long after returning to The Big Smoke from The Town That Fun Forgot, I ordered a pie from the dominant chain in these parts, Pizza Pizza. I was too tired to go out for a slice, there was a menu handy, and anyway, I didn't really mind the sawdust-and-crud flavour of their pizzas. I duly placed my order, but did a double-take when they quoted the price. "Why is the price so much higher than the price listed on your menu?" I asked. "Well, there's a $2.75 delivery charge," they replied. Oh. A $2.75 delivery charge. "And does that $2.75 actually go to the person making the delivery?" I asked hopefully. (If the delivery charge goes to the delivery guy, I ain't got to tip, do I?) "The delivery charge goes to the location that prepared your pizza," they replied vaguely. I felt like I was in a "conversation" with an auto industry lobbyist. Them: "New cars account for only 1% of all the greenhouse gases emitted in Canada." Me: "Wait a second. What do you mean when you say new cars? Do you mean model year 2007 cars? Does your definition of cars include minivans, SUVs or Hummers? What exactly are you saying?" It's the same story with another big, regional chain, Pizza Nova. If you read the small print, you know they're gonna slap a $2.75 delivery charge on your sorry ass. If you don't read the small print, you'll find out about the $2.75 delivery charge after you've placed your order and prepared yourself mentally to be sated in 45 minutes or less. (The) fuckers know that if they've taken you that far, you're gonna go all the way. Once, maybe, but never again. You might think that by cutting the big boys out of the picture, I was doing myself a favour. I mean, any mom-and-pop shop is gonna make a better pie than a cold, impersonal conglomerate, right? Right! Thing is, though, the little guys can be a little shady, too. Take Amato, for example. Amato makes a good pizza. A little bitter and twisted, maybe, but good. And the genius who designed their Queen Street West location? Pure genius! (That) fucker vents right out onto the sidewalk, so it's pretty hard to walk by without feeling the urge to stop in. But there are a whole lot of former Amato employees out there who are less impressed. By this time last year, ten claims for wages owing had been filed against the company, nine of which the Ministry of Labour ordered Amato to pay... Then there's the joint that shall remain nameless for fear of reprisals. I've always kinda suspected they were shady. Like maybe they had a sideline as a fence for stolen property or something. I dunno. But the green peppers always seemed to taste so much better there than anywhere else... Then, a few months ago, I noticed a sign in the window advertising a traffic ticket defence operation. Yeah, I know the cops aren't always on the lawful side of the law. I know them shits pull people over sometimes for not being colour-coordinated with the car they're driving, or for wearing the "wrong" hat, or having the "wrong" facial hair, or whatever. I know that. But nine times out of ten, if you got a ticket for a driving infraction, it's because you fucked up. I know this because nine-hundred and ninety-nine out of every one thousand times I see a traffic infraction, ain't nobody gets a ticket: i.e. there's a lot of bad driving going on out there. Anyway, here's hoping that my remaining few regular pizza joints keep a low profile. Think Stephen Harper is greatest thing since ciabatta? Keep it to yourself if you want my money! ***** I couldn't really think of any songs about pizza other than "The Age of Pamparius," which I already posted here, so here are a few songs by Italians instead. Perhaps no other ethnic group in the world is as challenged, musically, as the Italians. This is the best they have to offer. Buon appetito. Dean Martin - That's AmoreLouis Prima - Beep! Beep!Sicilian Orchestra of A. Aiello - L'Allegro FischiettoJoe Dolce - Shaddup You FacePermadink | | |
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